Internal Family Systems (IFS) – A Gentle Path to Emotional Healing
Do you ever feel like part of you wants to be productive and get everything on your to-do list done, but another part of you just wants to lie in bed and sleep all day? Or maybe part of you feels excited about starting a new job, but another part is terrified that you won't be good enough in your new role. If you relate to knowing what multiple parts feel like, you've captured some of the essence of internal family systems (IFS).
The IFS model champions the notion that we have many different parts within us. Each of these parts has various needs and desires, and they all intersect to shape our values and actions. Distress, however, can arise when we feel like certain parts control us- rather than us managing them.
As an IFS therapist, I integrate this model with clients to help them better identify their behavioral patterns, emotional needs, and true values. Familiarizing yourself with your own parts and understanding what each part needs from you can foster a greater sense of internal wholeness.
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While parts work isn't a new concept, The IFS model was developed in the 1980s. IFS is an integrative approach that entails systems thinking with the concept that people are composed of various parts with distinct personalities and needs.
Unlike some other theories, IFS is a non-pathologizing model. This means people are perceived as whole people- rather than just a cluster of symptoms or behaviors.
With that, there are no bad parts and no bad behaviors. Instead, your mental health is a reflection of how various parts interact. Restoring wholeness requires healing wounded parts and leading with the core self.
Core Self
The self refers to a steady, regulated state that exudes calmness, clarity, and compassion. It is not a part; rather, it is a fluid state of being. The main goal of IFS is for you to be able to lean into 'self' and flexibly connect to different parts when needed.
Internal family system therapy operates under the belief that everyone has a Self and can access it under the right conditions. Living in core self (known as self-leadership) doesn't necessarily make life "easier," but it does help people feel more grounded and empowered.
Exiles
The exiles refer to the wounded parts that carry various wounds and traumas. These vulnerable parts often originate in childhood, and they tend to hold onto painful feelings of fear, shame, and sadness. Other parts attempt to push the exile parts out of conscious awareness- this is why you may not be aware of their function or role until engaging in IFS work.
In IFS, it's assumed that parts become exiled when certain experiences or feelings become so significant that other parts shut them out. This is to prevent the system from becoming overloaded. Trauma survivors, in particular, may resonate with having various exiled parts. Exilies may resemble that of your inner child, and they may feel young, needy, or insecure- which is why other parts try to suppress them.
Managers
Managers are the protective parts that try to control the internal and external world. These adaptive parts aim to keep you safe, and they may show up through perfectionism, people-pleasing, or hypervigilance. Some clients enter therapy when their manager parts feel overactive.
Healthy, regulated managers help maintain a necessary mental balance in life. They motivate you to socialize appropriately, take care of yourself physically, and attend to your daily tasks. Controlling or perfectionistic managers, however, can make things feel dysfunctional. The drive to succeed or maintain appearances becomes the top priority.
Firefighters
Firefighters are also protective and emerge when the exile's hurt gets triggered. Firefighters emerge with soothing, numbing behaviors to manage painful emotions. They rely on behaviors that often feel impulsive, intense, and even self-destructive. Such behaviors may include self-harm, binge eating, drug use, or lashing out at others.
Many clients also enter therapy because they feel discouraged by their firefighters and don't fully understand their function. They want to extinguish the behavior, but they don't quite understand how (or they find themselves engaging in it even more)
Understanding the Internal Family Systems Model
The IFS Model in Action
In IFS, we want to spend time getting to know each of your parts, and we also want to practice accessing the core self. In doing this, we start to understand each part's key functions. This helps you understand your internal family system as a whole.
For example, a manager won't want to release its protective role if it senses that the exiled part needs safety. Firefighters rely on their extreme roles to prevent you from feeling flooded with shame or embarrassment. These parts all intimately connect the systemic patterns shaping your daily functioning.
You can't eliminate your parts or change their desires. There is no perfect healing. However, IFS allows you to compassionately understand what each part of your system needs from you. And when you can operate from a place of self-leadership, you open space for healing the most wounded parts of you. This, in turn, promotes a sense of self-trust
IFS Therapy Vs Other Therapies
Most conventional talk therapy focuses on unpacking the relationship between your thoughts, feelings, and actions. However, IFS theory highlights the dynamics between your specific parts. Rather than fighting multiple parts, the goal is to deepen your sense of compassion and respect for each part.
Unlike other therapies, the IFS model:
believes that all symptoms are reflections of different parts
focuses less on specific diagnoses or labels
helps unburden parts that may feel stuck in past traumas or hardships
encourages internal dialogue to promote more peaceful internal communication
emphasizes that each person has an innate ability to tap into inner wisdom and heal
FAQs
What Issues Can Benefit From the IFS Model?
IFS treats a variety of mental health concerns including complex trauma and PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, low self-esteem, substance use, relationship stress, suicidal ideation, and difficult life transitions.
Is IFS a Form of Family Therapy?
Despite the name, internal family systems therapy is generally applied individually. However, it can be adapted to be used with couples and families.
How Will IFS Therapy Help Me?
Many clients find that the concept of IFS just feels healing. If you're like many people, you may move through life in a deep state of self-loathing. You may feel immense shame when you act in ways that seemingly go against your values. IFS can treat trauma, and it can also provide a working language for showing how your parts are trying to protect you. This allows you to practice more self-compassion and self-love.
What Does It Really Mean to Have Multiple Parts?
Having multiple parts is not the same as having multiple personalities.
Instead, IFS therapists focus deeply on the inner conflicts that people experience in daily life. Maybe you often feel torn between competing needs and feelings. Perhaps, for example, you recognize wanting to leave an unhealthy relationship but feeling stuck in it, anyway.
IFS gives you direct access to understanding how different parts have different priorities. The more you can lean into self-leadership, the less intense this internal conflict feels.
What Happens During a Typical IFS Therapy Session?
In a typical session, we will likely identify various parts of yourself by naming them and describing their associated thoughts, feelings, and needs. We will also practice accessing your core self.
Over time, this becomes the harmonious presence that fosters a sense of self-empowerment. Sometimes, we may engage in specific dialogue with your various parts to better understand their messages. I may merge IFS with other modalities, including EMDR, somatic therapies, and CBT.
How Long Does IFS Take?
It depends on you, your presenting concerns, and your treatment plan. There isn't a predetermined length for this kind of therapy. Together, we'll periodically review how you feel things are going, and we will assess when you are ready to end treatment.
IFS Therapy and Parts Work in New York and Connecticut
Internal family systems work can dramatically impact how you feel about yourself, and it can give you the momentum you need to make important changes in your life. Rather than resisting the parts that you don't like, IFS allows you to practice more internal compassion, curiosity, and love.
I use IFS concepts to help clients better understand both their inner and external systems. I find this to be particularly helpful when treating depression, anxiety, and other mental health struggles. I provide in-person therapy for teens and adults in White Plains, New York, and virtually throughout New York and Connecticut. Please contact me today to learn more about this model or to schedule an initial consultation.
