Overcoming Low Self-Esteem: Start Building Confidence and Self-Worth Today
Maybe, no matter how much you accomplish, you still never quite feel like you're enough. Or maybe you move through life questioning whether people genuinely like you. Maybe, deep down, you feel broken, ashamed, or like something is just fundamentally wrong with you.
These are difficult, tender struggles to experience. Living with low self-esteem can feel exhausting and discouraging. You're not alone, but your struggles may feel isolating. Self-esteem refers to our overall sense of self-worth, so when that's compromised, it's so hard to trust yourself, and you may be more susceptible to holding onto negative beliefs and engaging in unwanted behaviors.
The good news is that you can improve your self-esteem, no matter your circumstances or history. In my practice, I help clients understand the factors impacting their self-esteem, and we work together to reduce negative thinking and improve your overall well-being.
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I treat the following self-esteem concerns:
Any kind of trauma can profoundly impact how you perceive yourself and the world around you. For example, if someone abused you, you may internalize themes of worthlessness. If someone else betrayed your trust, you may question whether you're worthy of love. These are not conscious beliefs- they are simply developed and reinforced out of survival. But over time, they can erode self-esteem, making it challenging to feel good about yourself in your everyday life.
In therapy, we tenderly treat this by:
identifying the connections that may exist between traumatic experiences, self-doubt, and negative core beliefs
treating underlying trauma to naturally build self-confidence
working through trauma triggers that may emerge in the present day
expanding the capacity to practice self-care and self-compassion
1) Low Self-Esteem Due to Trauma
Low self-esteem often goes hand-in-hand with feeling insecure about your physical appearance. For example, you may find yourself scrutinizing how you look or comparing yourself to others. You might also just not feel comfortable in your body, causing you to feel a perpetual sense of anxiety.
Unfortunately, we all live in a hyper-critical society with a narrow perception of how people should look. If any part of your appearance falls outside of those rigid parameters, it can affect your confidence.
If you struggle with your body image, we may work on this by:
changing the internal dialogue you use when speaking about your body or looks
strengthening self-care both physically and emotionally
identifying positive role models with a healthy self-image
separating your inherent value from your physical body
2) Poor Body Image
Low self-esteem may coincide with poor boundaries and difficulties prioritizing your needs. It really may seem like other people's values are more important than your own. If this is the case, you might struggle to articulate what you want in your relationships, and it can be difficult to be assertive when the situation calls for it.
We can work on treating low self-esteem connected to people-pleasing by:
understanding the negative thoughts and difficult emotions perpetuating people-pleasing tendencies
evaluating the quality of your current interpersonal relationships
strengthening your internal awareness of your boundaries, values, and desires
practicing boundaries until they become more intuitive
3) People-Pleasing Tendencies
4) Fear of Failure or Rejection
Sometimes low self-esteem causes people to avoid taking risks or making changes in their lives. This can lead to feeling stagnant in your personal and professional growth.
Such avoidance patterns often speak to deeply rooted fears of negative judgment. You might be so worried about disappointing yourself (or others) that you keep things fairly stagnant. Unfortunately, this, in turn, can keep you feeling stuck in your life.
If you're struggling with this, we may work on it by:
understanding the stories you tell yourself about failure and rejection
practicing taking safe and calculated risks to expose yourself to your fears
engaging in self-compassion when things don't go perfectly or you feel stuck
FAQs
What Does Healthy Self-Esteem Actually Look Like?
Someone with high self-esteem holds themselves in a positive, high regard. Despite some misconceptions, having solid self-esteem is not the same as being conceited, and it's also not synonymous with doing things perfectly or achieving a high level of success.
Some key characteristics of a healthy self-esteem include:
accepting yourself for who you are, regardless of your strengths and weaknesses
being able to practice self-kindness during challenging moments
having a general positive sense of confidence in your abilities
being able to have positive and healthy relationships with others
It's about accepting who you are, practicing self-kindness when facing difficulties, and having a general sense of confidence in your abilities.
How Will Therapy Increase My Self-Esteem?
First, we'll spend time understanding the underlying causes contributing to your low self-esteem. This may mean unpacking old trauma or identifying the core themes within your negative self-talk. Then, we'll focus on improving how you perceive yourself. No matter how "true" some of your beliefs feel, it is possible to replace negative thoughts and build upon your inherent positive qualities.
What Therapy Modalities Do You Use for Treating Self-Esteem?
I value bringing my integrative framework to treatment. There are usually several factors contributing to low self-esteem, so therapy rarely follows a one-dimensional format.
I blend themes of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to increase self-awareness in the relationship between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I also draw upon interventions from somatic experiencing, internal family systems, and EMDR.
How Do I Know If I Have Low Self-Esteem or Depression or Something Else?
Low self-esteem may correlate with mental health issues, including anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, eating disorders, and more. Furthermore, those issues can exacerbate self-esteem struggles.
However, it's also possible to have low self-esteem without having a specific mental health condition. Regardless, if your self-esteem is having a negative impact on your well-being, that deserves care and attention.
What If My Life Circumstances Are Really Hard Right Now?
Sometimes life really is that hard. Therapy is never about downplaying life's adversity or minimizing how you feel.
However, cultivating healthy self-esteem can help make navigating those challenges a bit more manageable. When you feel like you have your own back, it's easier to practice self-compassion and engage in good self-care, regardless of what's happening around you.
How Long Will It Take For Me to Feel Better About Myself?
It depends. Self-esteem issues can run deep, so it may take time to notice a dramatic change. However, in therapy, we acknowledge how granular changes amount over time. The more you can challenge negative thoughts and practice self-kindness, the more you reinforce themes of self-acceptance.
What If I Feel Insecure About Going to Therapy?
Many clients with low self-esteem question whether they should go to therapy or whether they can actually be helped. They also may feel nervous and uncomfortable about opening up about their feelings. This is all incredibly normal. Sometimes our self-defeating thoughts get in the way of us trying to take care of ourselves!
Please know that I truly honor the bravery associated with seeking support. It is my job to offer you a safe and supportive environment conducive to your needs and healing.
How Can I Expect to Feel About Myself After Completing Therapy?
Progress looks different for everyone, but if you're seeking therapy to improve your self-esteem, my goal is that you generally feel better about yourself in daily life. This includes building more awareness of your negative thought patterns, challenging self-defeating beliefs, and recognizing which people or events may trigger you to feel poorly about yourself.
After finishing therapy, my hope is that you better understand your triggers and can better challenge your negative thoughts when they arise. Doing so allows you to consciously choose adaptive coping strategies to use during stressful times.
It is possible to improve self-esteem independently, but a mental health professional can help you deepen your self-awareness and unpack underlying causes affecting how you perceive yourself.
If negative thoughts about yourself are impeding your well-being, you deserve compassionate, supportive care. I value bringing honesty, reliability, and genuine connection to my work. Together, we will understand the function of your individual beliefs and pave a path toward feeling more confident and secure with yourself.
Please contact me today to schedule an initial consultation.